Creativity and Mental Illness

It's no secret that many highly creative people suffer from mental illness - and one of the most popular of those found among creatives is bipolar disorder, a disease which Stephen Fry has been instrumental in helping the world to understand - and finally, it's become something we can talk about.

Throughout my life I've suffered from severe long-term depression and been diagnosed with both minor bipolar (to be fair, I don't suffer anything like the symptoms of my fully-fledged bipolar friends so I'm not sure that diagnosis is accurate at all, even with 'mild' at the front of it) and borderline personality disorder.  I can tell you, this has made my life a little difficult at times.  **

But as I've grown older, I've come to see my 'mental illness' as a bit of a blessing. While mental illness leaches into every aspect of your life, from work to personal relationships, it also colours and can drive your creative life.

I have sat down and written a 1000 page book in 3 months - have written a 385 page book in 14 days, (Just Drink, which will be released once the final edit's finished.  The 400th and final edit).  Yes, they're first drafts, and not likely to win Pulitzer prizes, but I believe it's my illness that's given me the fever and the energy to create with such intensity.

My life has been... interesting.  Yet somehow I've managed to have long-term relationships and hold down good jobs, make friends with some very special people who have contributed hugely to my success through their belief in me and their unfailing support of me as a person, and of course, I write.  And from my odd experiences, I draw inspiration.  The colours of my work are often the colours of great joy and great despair.  They are the dynamics of bipolar, loving life passionately while at the same time, haunted by the knowledge that the darkness is only a few steps away at any given moment.

When you have a mental illness, it's not something that's ever going to go away.  You can medicate it, or you can manage it through other means, but it's always with you, a part of you, a part of who you are.

Just getting up in the morning can be a triumph, never mind the achievements society sees as success.

Many of my friends have the same difficulties I do, and I find their strength and courage finds its way into my writing.  To quote the lyrics from one of my favourite songs, 'Utsukushiki Zankou na Sekai' from the anime Attack on Titan, 'How can anybody live in a world that's so cruel and beautiful?'

The answer is, through hope, my friends, and never giving up.  And if you do suffer as I do, take comfort in the fact you're not alone.


- Kaia

** A side note:  as at this time, I have been free of symptoms for around 6 months.  Medication-free since October 2014 - proof that removing triggers can vastly improve your quality of life.