Creativity and Mental Illness

It's no secret that many highly creative people suffer from mental illness - and one of the most popular of those found among creatives is bipolar disorder, a disease which Stephen Fry has been instrumental in helping the world to understand - and finally, it's become something we can talk about.

Throughout my life I've suffered from severe long-term depression and been diagnosed with both minor bipolar (to be fair, I don't suffer anything like the symptoms of my fully-fledged bipolar friends so I'm not sure that diagnosis is accurate at all, even with 'mild' at the front of it) and borderline personality disorder.  I can tell you, this has made my life a little difficult at times.  **

But as I've grown older, I've come to see my 'mental illness' as a bit of a blessing. While mental illness leaches into every aspect of your life, from work to personal relationships, it also colours and can drive your creative life.

I have sat down and written a 1000 page book in 3 months - have written a 385 page book in 14 days, (Just Drink, which will be released once the final edit's finished.  The 400th and final edit).  Yes, they're first drafts, and not likely to win Pulitzer prizes, but I believe it's my illness that's given me the fever and the energy to create with such intensity.

My life has been... interesting.  Yet somehow I've managed to have long-term relationships and hold down good jobs, make friends with some very special people who have contributed hugely to my success through their belief in me and their unfailing support of me as a person, and of course, I write.  And from my odd experiences, I draw inspiration.  The colours of my work are often the colours of great joy and great despair.  They are the dynamics of bipolar, loving life passionately while at the same time, haunted by the knowledge that the darkness is only a few steps away at any given moment.

When you have a mental illness, it's not something that's ever going to go away.  You can medicate it, or you can manage it through other means, but it's always with you, a part of you, a part of who you are.

Just getting up in the morning can be a triumph, never mind the achievements society sees as success.

Many of my friends have the same difficulties I do, and I find their strength and courage finds its way into my writing.  To quote the lyrics from one of my favourite songs, 'Utsukushiki Zankou na Sekai' from the anime Attack on Titan, 'How can anybody live in a world that's so cruel and beautiful?'

The answer is, through hope, my friends, and never giving up.  And if you do suffer as I do, take comfort in the fact you're not alone.


- Kaia

** A side note:  as at this time, I have been free of symptoms for around 6 months.  Medication-free since October 2014 - proof that removing triggers can vastly improve your quality of life.  

Other Books

So, I started writing at an early age.  I was the kid who won the school's creative writing competitions for 7 years in a row - ages 11-17.  

Memorable stories from my early teens were 'The Island of Ra' which was about a pacific island plagued by sightings of a supernatural wolf, told in the form of newspaper articles and 'The Day I Married Micheal Knight'... which, I guess, speaks for itself.  To be fair, I was only 9 at the time and he was cool.

After I left school, I mostly wrote short stories until I started work on my first (published) full-length novel, now titled 'Shaiyan'.  Shaiyan was written in 2011 over 14 days and originally written in the 1st person.  Boy did I have a lot to learn!  I had written two (awful) novels prior and went on to  write a number of synopsies and half-finished works, most of which were more exercises in learning to write coherently then anything else.  

Most of my work has a supernatural/conspiracy theory bent, as that's what I love myself, but I would like to point out, all were started long before a certain sparkly-vampire series was published, and made Vampires unsexy for perhaps generations to come. :-P 

More than anything, I wanted to show characters who struggled with adversity and overcame.

In any case, while the ideas may not be new, I hope I can capture the reader's imagination through the characters, who I personally love dearly.  I hope you come to love them too.  Especially the kick-ass women!

Kaia

Just Drink and Feminism

When I first began writing 'Just Drink', I was locked in a controlling relationship with a man who led me to believe he was dying of brain cancer, when in fact, he wasn't.  I can't begin to tell you what that kind of deception does to your sanity.

Initially, the character of Shaiyan was as helpless as I felt, at the mercy of the world and her self-assigned male protector.  However I always knew I wanted her character to grow from helplessness to strength, and the evolution of this book has been the evolution of showing her journey from trapped child to strong, mature woman who lets no man (or woman!) stand in her way.

While the intial framework may be criticised by feminists,  I beg your indulgence.  My passion is for showing strong, female characters because that's the kind of hero I want to see.  I am one of you.  Yes, Shaiyan does start out being rescued by a handsome, older guy (for reasons), but by the end of the book, she has not only found her feet, but found herself to be a more than capable leader, equal to any who challenge her.  The intention is for her to lead the series forward from this point into the second book in this series, which is already partially written.

As a feminist, I believe that men and women should have equal opportunities, respect and understanding.  The sexes are different, but I don't believe those differences deserve as much emphasis as they've had in the past, where they've been used to essentially create a second-citizen status for an entire sex.

In my writing, sometimes men lead.  Sometimes women lead.  Each character has their strengths and flaws and they may be 'typical' of that gender - or they may not.  I believe that is the true evolution of feminism.  Not women subjugating men, or male characters being relegated to second tier status as a matter of course.  When men and women stand side by side, each strong and resilient and willing to learn and change the world around them for the better, we will have created a better world.


Kaia